The His Most Benevolent Cakeness of Ebonhand is a titanic, orderly nation, ruled by King Tommen I of House Baratheon with an iron fist, and remarkable for its ritual sacrifices, sprawling nuclear power plants, and stringent health and safety legislation. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, devout population of 22.747 billion Ebonhandians are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The tiny, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Administration, Industry, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Greywolfe. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 1.5%.

The frighteningly efficient Ebonhandian economy, worth a remarkable 7,077 trillion Denars a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Book Publishing, Retail, and Arms Manufacturing. Black market activity is extensive. Average income is an amazing 311,161 Denars, with the richest citizens earning 7.7 times as much as the poorest.

The state-controlled media salutes those about to spy, even in the most hardened climate scientists break down at the sound of a single drop of rain, children can sing 'We Are the Champions' but can't spell it, and the Man in the Plastic Mask has been imprisoned in the Capital Penitentiary. Crime, especially youth-related, is all-pervasive, with the police force struggling against a lack of funding and a high mortality rate. Ebonhand's national animal is the Velociraptor, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Griffinism.

Ebonhand is ranked 982^nd in the world and 27^th in the South Pacific for Most Cultured, scoring 372 on the Snufflebottom-Wiggendum Pentatonic Scale.