The United Provinces of Grainstan is a mammoth, safe nation, ruled by Simeon Yoder with an even hand, and remarkable for its museums and concert halls, absence of drug laws, and restrictive gun laws. The compassionate population of 7.507 billion Grainstanians are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The enormous, socially-minded government juggles the competing demands of Administration, Education, and Law & Order. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Salah. The average income tax rate is 98.0%.

The frighteningly efficient Grainstanian economy, worth a remarkable 1,299 trillion Convertible Mark of One Thousand Mills a year, is quite specialized and led by the Book Publishing industry, with significant contributions from Tourism, Arms Manufacturing, and Beef-Based Agriculture. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 173,139 Convertible Mark of One Thousand Mills, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

People queue for valets instead of parking spaces, the carbon tax fund gladly supplies warm blankets when the poor can't pay their heating bills, third world countries are rich in "I Love Salah" t-shirts, and census workers struggle to account for the rapidly increasing number of citizens to tabulate. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Grainstan's national animal is the Kakapo, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Grainstan is ranked 327,141^st in the world and 4,186^th in the South Pacific for Rudest Citizens, with 5.52 insults per minute.