The United Protectorate of Tepertopia is a titanic, cultured nation, ruled by Gerhard von Selingen with a fair hand, and remarkable for its anti-smoking policies, infamous sell-swords, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate, hard-working, democratic, cheerful, devout population of 14.626 billion Tepertopians enjoy a sensible mix of personal and economic freedoms, while the political process is open and the people's right to vote held sacrosanct.

The relatively small, outspoken government juggles the competing demands of Industry, Welfare, and Healthcare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Happelstein. The average income tax rate is 3.6%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Tepertopian economy, worth a remarkable 3,611 trillion Crowns a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Book Publishing, and Retail. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an amazing 246,941 Crowns, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Citizens know never to accept cookies from strangers, autumn landscape paintings feature men stripping leaves from bare branches with a vacuum, cave paintings are back in vogue, and historical commemorations regularly devolve into militaristic jingoism. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown. Tepertopia's national animal is the Cat, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Cake Supremacy.

Tepertopia is ranked 1,368^th in the world and 39^th in the South Pacific for Nicest Citizens, with 80.93 average smiles per day.