The United Protectorate of Tepertopia is a titanic, cultured nation, ruled by Gerhard von Selingen with a fair hand, and renowned for its museums and concert halls, pith helmet sales, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate, hard-working, democratic, cheerful, devout population of 14.291 billion Tepertopians enjoy a sensible mix of personal and economic freedoms, while the political process is open and the people's right to vote held sacrosanct.

The relatively small, outspoken government juggles the competing demands of Industry, Welfare, and Healthcare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Happelstein. The average income tax rate is 3.3%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Tepertopian economy, worth a remarkable 3,467 trillion Crowns a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Book Publishing, and Retail. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an amazing 242,610 Crowns, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.2 times as much as the poorest.

Soldiers find that home gadgets and power tools are more effective as improvised weapons than the guns they've been issued, a suspicious number of male students have joined the Ladies' Wrestling League, ex-cons are paid to remain law-abidingly dull, and doctors accused of having no heart reply that cardiology isn't their speciality. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown. Tepertopia's national animal is the Cat, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Cake Supremacy.

Tepertopia is ranked 8,959^th in the world and 176^th in the South Pacific for Largest Governments, scoring 36.55 on the Bureaucratic Comprehensiveness Rating Scale Index.