The Republic of Kaozakstan is a gargantuan, safe nation, ruled by The Man with an even hand, and remarkable for its anti-smoking policies, pith helmet sales, and stringent health and safety legislation. The compassionate, democratic, cheerful, devout population of 33.461 billion Kaotopians are prohibited from doing almost everything except voting, which they do timidly and conservatively.

The enormous, socially-minded government juggles the competing demands of Healthcare, Education, and Environment. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Kaokanstinople. The average income tax rate is 90.3%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Kaotopia economy, worth a remarkable 3,807 trillion Kollars a year, is extremely specialized and mostly made up of the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Information Technology. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 113,794 Kollars, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

That which doesn't kill you can get you de-platformed, the death penalty has been reintroduced, patriotic citizens chant "there's only one Kaozakstan" at foreigners, and hot dogs have been renamed lukewarm pigs. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Kaozakstan's national animal is the Manx, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Kaozakstan is ranked 5,223^rd in the world and 232^nd in The North Pacific for Nicest Citizens, with 45.05 average smiles per day.