The Lotionese Empire of Lotion Empire is a colossal, efficient nation, ruled by Lubey II Privykia with an iron fist, and renowned for its prohibition of alcohol, triple-decker prams, and punitive income tax rates. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 8.373 billion Lotionese are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The enormous, corrupt, well-organized government is effectively ruled by the Department of Defense, although Industry and Law & Order are also considered important, while International Aid and Environment are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Petrograd. The average income tax rate is 99.1%.

The frighteningly efficient Lotionese economy, worth a remarkable 2,681 trillion Ludons a year, is highly specialized and mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Arms Manufacturing and Uranium Mining. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an amazing 320,235 Ludons, but there is a large disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 1,265,181 per year while the poor average 54,877, a ratio of 23.1 to 1.

It's entirely possible foreign diplomats misheard when Lotion Empire offered the words "peace be upon you", soldiers have a preference for fire-and-forget payloads, citizens often glare angrily at jet contrails, and a small country is wondering where their capitol building's gold dome went. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Lotion Empire's national animal is the Black Eagle, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to toxic air pollution, and its national religion is Orthodox.

Lotion Empire is ranked 50,639^th in the world and 1,564^th in The North Pacific for Most Advanced Public Education, scoring 4,301.32 on the Edu-tellignce® Test Score.