The Velikiye Slavyanskiye Zemli of Zaphorhiziya is a mammoth, orderly nation, ruled by Lord Ciaran Merlin with an iron fist, and renowned for its rum-swilling pirates, infamous sell-swords, and avowedly heterosexual populace. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 5.123 billion Zaphorhiziyans are ruled with an iron fist by the corrupt, dictatorship government, which oppresses anyone who isn't on the board of a Fortune 500 company. Large corporations tend to be above the law, and use their financial clout to gain ever-increasing government benefits at the expense of the poor and unemployed.

The tiny, corrupt, moralistic, pro-business, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Industry, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Vladiovostok. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 2.0%.

The frighteningly efficient Zaphorhiziyan economy, worth a remarkable 1,700 trillion Zaphorhiziums a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Retail industry, with major contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, and Gambling. Average income is an amazing 331,952 Zaphorhiziums, but there is a vast disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 3,072,777 per year while the poor average 3,452, a ratio of 889 to 1.

Relations with Merovingia are as cold as Zaphorhiziya's skill with the blade, the nation leads Europe in per capita stalking, prominent cultural symbols are featured on the backs of cereal boxes, and the rich are once again pinching pennies. Crime is all-pervasive, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. Zaphorhiziya's national animal is the King Cobra, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Hinduism.

Zaphorhiziya is ranked 312,676^th in the world and 909^th in Europe for Most Eco-Friendly Governments, scoring -37.28 on the Dolphin Recycling Awareness Index.