The Republic of Malkerta is a very large, safe nation, remarkable for its rum-swilling pirates, compulsory military service, and suspicion of poets. The hard-working population of 288 million Malkertans have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The tiny government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Lviv. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 7.6%.

The thriving Malkertan economy, worth 27.0 trillion dollars a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Tourism industry, with significant contributions from Trout Farming, Information Technology, and Furniture Restoration. Average income is 93,865 dollars, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 303,850 per year while the poor average 21,896, a ratio of 13.9 to 1.

Historic buildings are being demolished to allow for road-widening in the city centre, boys who even ask about cheerleading are placed on the Sex Offenders Register, school lessons are constantly interrupted by 'teacher needs a break' time, and eating kids as food has been enshrined in law. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Malkerta's national animal is the tiger, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Malkerta is ranked 270,810^th in the world and 10,173^rd in Lazarus for Most Cultured, scoring 59 on the Snufflebottom-Wiggendum Pentatonic Scale.