The Holy Imperium of Ostermarch is a titanic, efficient nation, ruled by Maximilian with an iron fist, and remarkable for its barren, inhospitable landscape, aversion to nipples, and anti-smoking policies. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless, devout population of 20.094 billion Imperials are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of El Escorial. The average income tax rate is 94.1%.

The frighteningly efficient Imperial economy, worth a remarkable 8,493 trillion crowns a year, is broadly diversified and mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, Retail, and Woodchip Exports. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an amazing 422,698 crowns, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Tens of thousands of Imperials rock the night away at the annual SuperLob, in coastal waters there are fifteen salvage divers per dead man's chest (yo ho ho), commuters travel in zigzags to avoid stalking accusations, and the government invades its allies more than its enemies. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Ostermarch's national animal is the demigryph, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Imperial Cult.

Ostermarch is ranked 305,931^st in the world and 872^nd in Europe for Largest Trout Fishing Sector, scoring -26.35 on the Nemo Depletion Efficiency Index.