The Federal Republic of Zolystia is a colossal, socially progressive nation, ruled by President Dmitry Doughnut with a fair hand, and remarkable for its smutty television, national health service, and stringent health and safety legislation. The compassionate, democratic population of 3.7 billion Zolystians enjoy a sensible mix of personal and economic freedoms, while the political process is open and the people's right to vote held sacrosanct.

The large government juggles the competing demands of Administration, Law & Order, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Hodasa. The average income tax rate is 82.9%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Zolystian economy, worth 457 trillion Lems a year, is fairly diversified and dominated by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Tourism, Trout Farming, and Book Publishing. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 123,552 Lems, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.7 times as much as the poorest.

Restaurants are required to specify whether their toilet paper was made in Zolystia, outdoor parties in Hodasa are all the rave, pinkie promises are a matter of life and death, and visitors often wonder about the new red dartboard in President Dmitry Doughnut's office. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Zolystia's national animal is the Zolystian Wolf, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Eastern Orthodox Christianity.

Zolystia is ranked 14,989^th in the world and 280^th in Europe for Most Cultured, scoring 97 on the Snufflebottom-Wiggendum Pentatonic Scale.