The Eminent Bakery of Crumpetopia is a mammoth, socially progressive nation, ruled by HC Gabriel Lancaster with an iron fist, and renowned for its ubiquitous missile silos, rampant corporate plagiarism, and avowedly heterosexual populace. The hard-nosed, cynical, cheerful, devout population of 8.141 billion Crumpetopians are ruled with an iron fist by the dictatorship government, which ensures that no-one outside the party gets too rich. In their personal lives, however, citizens are relatively unoppressed; it remains to be seen whether this is because the government genuinely cares about its people, or if it hasn't gotten around to stamping out civil rights yet.

The medium-sized, corrupt, socially-minded, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Education, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of New London. The average income tax rate is 99.0%.

The frighteningly efficient Crumpetopian economy, worth a remarkable 3,137 trillion Crumpets a year, is fairly diversified and mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Information Technology, Arms Manufacturing, Tourism, and Beef-Based Agriculture. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an amazing 385,397 Crumpets, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The national security service are a bunch of crooks, HC Gabriel Lancaster has been declared supreme ruler for all eternity, several inches are being added to first class seating, and a primitive society is being eroded as its youth flock to the modern world. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Crumpetopia's national animal is the Eternal Anglo, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Church of the Baker.

Crumpetopia is ranked 304,907^th in the world and 241^st in Fifth Empire for Lowest Overall Tax Burden, scoring -870.64 on the Hayek Index.