The Holy Empire of Zeltoria is a massive, safe nation, remarkable for its pith helmet sales, free-roaming dinosaurs, and complete absence of social welfare. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, devout population of 1.481 billion Zeltorians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The relatively small, moralistic, well-organized government prioritizes Defense, although Law & Order, Industry, and Education are also considered important, while International Aid and Welfare are ignored. The average income tax rate is 10.2%.

The thriving Zeltorian economy, worth 124 trillion Ekmakts a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Book Publishing industry, with major contributions from Tourism, Cheese Exports, and Beef-Based Agriculture. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 83,895 Ekmakts, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 4.3 times as much as the poorest.

A firework a day does not in fact keep the doctor away, judicial robes are the country's hottest fashion trend, autopsies often involve only cursory examination, and umbrellas are back in fashion. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force. Zeltoria's national animal is the Peacock, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Zeltoria is ranked 300,326^th in the world and 291^st in Christians for Nicest Citizens, with 1.06 average smiles per day.