The Free Land of Balgala is a massive, socially progressive nation, ruled by Quint Zymes with a fair hand, and remarkable for its museums and concert halls, sprawling nuclear power plants, and ubiquitous missile silos. The hard-nosed, hard-working, democratic, devout population of 2.273 billion Balgalans live in a state of perpetual fear, as a complete breakdown of social order has led to the rise of order through biker gangs.

The relatively small, liberal, pro-business government juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of StrixGala. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 24.7%.

The frighteningly efficient Balgalan economy, worth 289 trillion Stigmatas a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Retail industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Uranium Mining, and Arms Manufacturing. Average income is an impressive 127,006 Stigmatas, but there is a large disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 506,763 per year while the poor average 21,413, a ratio of 23.7 to 1.

Politicians spend more time in courtrooms than in Parliament, an increasing percentage of the population's youth have homosexual parents, aristocracy is given the bird and called out as a lark, and a typical fast food menu item could serve a small army. Crime is almost non-existent. Balgala's national animal is the Porcupine, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Christianity.

Balgala is ranked 21,562^nd in the world and 50^th in Christians for Smartest Citizens, with 66 quips per hour.