The Most Serene Republic of Columbiqash is a titanic, efficient nation, ruled by President Maya Mayor with an even hand, and remarkable for its complete lack of prisons, irreverence towards religion, and stringent health and safety legislation. The compassionate, cheerful population of 10.331 billion Vinisquishes are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The enormous, socially-minded government juggles the competing demands of Education, Healthcare, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Bluff Creek. The average income tax rate is 97.8%.

The frighteningly efficient Columbiqashian economy, worth a remarkable 1,811 trillion footprints a year, is quite specialized and led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Information Technology and Book Publishing. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 175,308 footprints, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Political talk shows often have children as guests whenever they need commentary on world religions, kindergartners' favourite dance move is the stop-drop-and-roll, grade school teachers mark homework with red "CITATION NEEDED" stamps, and roads are often attended by round-the-clock construction crews. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Columbiqash's national animal is the Bigfoot, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Columbiqash is ranked 5,355^th in the world and 57^th in Forest for Smartest Citizens, with 125.79 quips per hour.