The Commonwealth of Langburn is a colossal, efficient nation, ruled by President Bear Logan with a fair hand, and renowned for its rampant corporate plagiarism, restrictive gun laws, and stringent health and safety legislation. The compassionate, democratic population of 3.382 billion Langburnians are free to do what they want with their own bodies, and vote for whomever they like in elections; if they go into business, however, they are regulated to within an inch of their lives.

The medium-sized, corrupt, socially-minded, outspoken government juggles the competing demands of Industry, Administration, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Onita. The average income tax rate is 82.1%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Langburnian economy, worth 731 trillion crowns a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, fairly diversified black market in Information Technology, Retail, Book Publishing, and Soda Sales. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an amazing 216,294 crowns, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

People across the world seek to be healthier by eliminating carbs, pet owners must make a payment if their charges leave a deposit, terrorists are on a first name basis with the officials that stamp their passports, and modelling agencies send their clients to work in nursing homes. Crime, especially youth-related, is a major problem, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. Langburn's national animal is the pelican, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to toxic air pollution.

Langburn is ranked 32,691^st in the world and 274^th in Europeia for Most Compassionate Citizens, scoring 50.74 on the Kitten Softness Rating.