The Commonwealth of Hapatmitas is a mammoth, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by Ewan Thorcaill with an even hand, and remarkable for its rum-swilling pirates, pith helmet sales, and compulsory military service. The hard-nosed, devout population of 6.627 billion Hapats are highly moralistic and fiercely conservative, in the sense that they tend to believe most things should be outlawed. People who have good jobs and work quietly at them are lauded; others are viewed with suspicion.

The medium-sized government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Administration, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Dúnideann. The average income tax rate is 60.6%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Hapat economy, worth 725 trillion piobans a year, is quite specialized and led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Trout Farming, and Arms Manufacturing. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 109,517 piobans, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Trolls insist that strings of racial slurs mean "good morning" in obscure languages, the taste of spices can sail a thousand ships, gymnasts are in awe at the amount of hoops army applicants must jump through, and there's a shortage of swinging hot spots as land development grinds to a halt. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Hapatmitas's national animal is the whale, which frolics freely in the nation's sparkling oceans, and its national religion is Christianity.

Hapatmitas is ranked 16,686^th in the world and 40^th in The League for Most Developed, scoring 87.54 on the Human Development Index.