The Dictatorship of Cetaphil is a colossal, safe nation, remarkable for its smutty television, multi-spousal wedding ceremonies, and free-roaming dinosaurs. The compassionate, humorless population of 2.665 billion Cetaphilians are prohibited from doing almost everything except voting, which they do timidly and conservatively.

The enormous, corrupt, socially-minded government juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Law & Order. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Moisture City. The average income tax rate is 97.0%.

The frighteningly efficient Cetaphilian economy, worth 427 trillion lotions a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is quite specialized, is mostly made up of the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Arms Manufacturing and Book Publishing. Average income is an impressive 160,251 lotions, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Stuttering trypanophobes are doomed never to marry, groups of government workers are declared protected tribes if they venture too deep into the Capitol, phone taps are frequently carried out by the police, and five-year-olds who refuse to line up on command get gold stars. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Cetaphil's national animal is the Cerave, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Cetaphil is ranked 8,631^st in the world and 368^th in Lazarus for Highest Poor Incomes, with 134,650.48 Standard Monetary Units.