The Dictatorship of Cetaphil is a colossal, cultured nation, remarkable for its anti-smoking policies, sprawling nuclear power plants, and irreverence towards religion. The compassionate, humorless population of 2.527 billion Cetaphilians are prohibited from doing almost everything except voting, which they do timidly and conservatively.

The enormous, corrupt, socially-minded government juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Law & Order. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Moisture City. The average income tax rate is 96.5%.

The frighteningly efficient Cetaphilian economy, worth 395 trillion lotions a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is quite specialized, is mostly made up of the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Tourism, and Book Publishing. Average income is an impressive 156,331 lotions, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Senior citizens are often found slaving away in factories, government popup ads are springing up like weeds, Leader affectionately nicknames supporters by number, and schoolboys who turn to watch pretty girls go by are given detention. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Cetaphil's national animal is the Cerave, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Cetaphil is ranked 237,773^rd in the world and 12,854^th in Lazarus for Largest Insurance Industry, scoring -5.16 on the Risk Expulsion Effectiveness Rating.