The Grand Monarchy of The Celtics is a massive, orderly nation, ruled by Rhodri Anarut with an iron fist, and remarkable for its public floggings, ubiquitous missile silos, and punitive income tax rates. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 4.275 billion Celtians are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The large, corrupt, well-organized government is primarily concerned with Defense, with Industry, Law & Order, and Healthcare also on the agenda. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Caradog. The average income tax rate is 69.7%.

The frighteningly efficient Celticsian economy, worth 564 trillion Aerowyns a year, is broadly diversified and dominated by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Retail, Information Technology, and Trout Farming. Black market activity is rampant. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an impressive 132,162 Aerowyns, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 4.2 times as much as the poorest.

Theft is considered to be okay if the crime happened a long time ago, judicial robes are the country's hottest fashion trend, serial killers share cells with serial jaywalkers, and the native owl population is in permanent hibernation. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. The Celtics's national animal is the Dragon, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to toxic air pollution, and its national religion is Paganiaeth Geltaidd.

The Celtics is ranked 274,629^th in the world and 318^th in Conch Kingdom for Safest, scoring 7.6 on the Bubble-Rapp Safety Rating.