The Social Democratic Republic of Firtopia is a titanic, efficient nation, ruled by Chairmen Haggard with a fair hand, and remarkable for its keen interest in outer space, anti-smoking policies, and punitive income tax rates. The compassionate, democratic population of 19.829 billion Firtopians are free to do what they want with their own bodies, and vote for whomever they like in elections; if they go into business, however, they are regulated to within an inch of their lives.

The large, liberal, outspoken government juggles the competing demands of Education, Healthcare, and Environment. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Westwood. The average income tax rate is 77.5%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The all-consuming Firtopian economy, worth a remarkable 2,167 trillion Dullies a year, is quite specialized and mostly made up of the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Tourism and Furniture Restoration. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 109,320 Dullies, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The internal market is thriving, visiting dignitaries often end up cuddling in the hot tub with Chairmen Haggard, the blood, sweat, and tears of poor Firtopians make research institutes rich, and schoolchildren on field trips are asked what torture means to them. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Firtopia's national animal is the Broad-Billed Parrot, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies.

Firtopia is ranked 201,317^th in the world and 1,089^th in the South Pacific for Largest Black Market, with 478 billion Standard Monetary Units.