The Meritocratic Empire of Crystallus is a colossal, efficient nation, ruled by Prime Minister Emperor Fairfrued LXXX with an even hand, and notable for its national health service, pith helmet sales, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate, devout population of 4.195 billion Crystallusians are highly moralistic and fiercely conservative, in the sense that they tend to believe most things should be outlawed. People who have good jobs and work quietly at them are lauded; others are viewed with suspicion.

The medium-sized, moralistic government prioritizes Administration, with Industry, Defense, and Law & Order also on the agenda, while International Aid receives no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Centralis County. The average income tax rate is 41.2%.

The all-consuming Crystallusian economy, worth 416 trillion Crysions a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Tourism, Beef-Based Agriculture, and Uranium Mining. Average income is 99,203 Crysions, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 3.3 times as much as the poorest.

Government theft from poor artists to give to rich allies has been dubbed the "reverse Robin Hood" policy, foreign nations often blame poverty and terrorism on Crystallusian selfishness, Prime Minister Emperor Fairfrued LXXX has just been declared ruler of Crystallus in an international press conference, and the government has declined to declare any particular religion as its 'official' one. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Crystallus's national animal is the Crystallus Equus, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Free Thinker.

Crystallus is ranked 249,319^th in the world and 141^st in The Kodiak Republic for Largest Trout Fishing Sector, scoring -3.79 on the Nemo Depletion Efficiency Index.