The Empire of Crazy Firemen is a gargantuan, safe nation, ruled by Firefighter Clemente with an iron fist, and renowned for its zero percent divorce rate, otherworldly petting zoo, and hatred of cheese. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 35.43 billion Crazy Firemenians are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The government — a sprawling, bureaucracy-choked, corrupt morass — juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Defense, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Seagrave. The average income tax rate is 96.3%.

The frighteningly efficient Crazy Firemenian economy, worth a remarkable 5,754 trillion Brotherhoods a year, is highly specialized and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Book Publishing, Arms Manufacturing, and Tourism. Black market activity is rampant. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an impressive 162,419 Brotherhoods, with the richest citizens earning 5.2 times as much as the poorest.

The Treasury has been accused of flushing money down the toilet, travelers praise airports for their endless beige corridors, you have to be a billionaire to qualify for welfare, and the School of Hard Knocks is receiving record application numbers.. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Crazy Firemen's national animal is the Phoenix, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Church of the Rising Phoenix.

Crazy Firemen is ranked 310,123^rd in the world and 2,199^th in the Rejected Realms for Nicest Citizens, with 0.2 average smiles per day.