The Holy Empire of The Telestial is a massive, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by Canis Starlorn with an even hand, and remarkable for its compulsory military service, sprawling nuclear power plants, and rampant corporate plagiarism. The hard-nosed, hard-working, devout population of 1.029 billion Telestians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The medium-sized government juggles the competing demands of Industry, Spirituality, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Celestial. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 20.9%.

The frighteningly efficient Telestian economy, worth 99.7 trillion dēbeōs a year, is led by the Tourism industry, with significant contributions from Information Technology, Arms Manufacturing, and Basket Weaving. Black market activity is notable. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 96,910 dēbeōs, but there is a large disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 415,598 per year while the poor average 14,464, a ratio of 28.7 to 1.

The mood of raunchy movies is often ruined by the sound of babies crying, mothers refer to leaving the house as "the Great Escape", one can wake up in The Telestial and have breakfast in Bigtopia, and new poison ivy ointments have left Telestians scratching their heads, arms, and legs. Crime, especially youth-related, is well under control, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. The Telestial's national animal is the Blue Canary, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

The Telestial is ranked 16,500^th in the world and 76^th in The Frontier Sea for Largest Trout Fishing Sector, scoring 6,710.72 on the Nemo Depletion Efficiency Index.