The Potato-Poet of The Salaxalans is a gargantuan, socially progressive nation, ruled by Svlad Cjelli with an even hand, and notable for its digital currency, vat-grown people, and hatred of cheese. The compassionate, democratic, cheerful, devout population of 25.201 billion Salaxians are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The enormous, socially-minded government prioritizes Education, with Environment, Healthcare, and Social Policy also on the agenda, while Spirituality is ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Rime. The income tax rate is 100%.

The frighteningly efficient Salaxalansian economy, worth a remarkable 6,382 trillion Dirks a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is highly specialized, is mostly made up of the Tourism industry, with significant contributions from Book Publishing and Information Technology. Average income is an amazing 253,254 Dirks, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The treehouse in Electric Monk Park is the tallest building in The Salaxalans, pulling weeds is seen as a threat to national security, mechanics are often exhausted by their work, and kids looking for shark teeth have become ancient history. Crime is totally unknown. The Salaxalans's national animal is the Electric Monk, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Chronology.

The Salaxalans is ranked 289,799^th in the world and 138^th in Spiritus for Most Primitive, scoring -632.39 on the Scary Big Number Scale.