The Federation of Tassalvia is a colossal, efficient nation, ruled by Fredericus Deromius with an even hand, and notable for its rum-swilling pirates, restrictive gun laws, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate, cheerful, devout population of 5.217 billion Tassalves enjoy extensive civil freedoms, particularly in social issues, while business tends to be more regulated.

The large, liberal government juggles the competing demands of Administration, Education, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Vanilla. The average income tax rate is 91.2%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Tassalve economy, worth 791 trillion Lohirs a year, is quite specialized and dominated by the Tourism industry, with significant contributions from Information Technology, Book Publishing, and Beef-Based Agriculture. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an impressive 151,743 Lohirs, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Refugees from other nations are flocking to Tassalvia's border, elderly citizens regularly buy posh multimillion-Lohir mansions, nations that kill a Tassalve can expect a strongly worded letter, and millions of Tassalves are excellent swimmers. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Tassalvia's national animal is the Chevelca, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Eastern Orthodoxy.

Tassalvia is ranked 15,530^th in the world and 22^nd in Spiritus for Lowest Crime Rates, with 93.66 law-abiding acts per hour.