The Empire of Capitista is a colossal, safe nation, ruled by Nicki Minaj with a fair hand, and notable for its complete lack of prisons, absence of drug laws, and stringent health and safety legislation. The compassionate, democratic, devout population of 9.42 billion Capitistans are free to do what they want with their own bodies, and vote for whomever they like in elections; if they go into business, however, they are regulated to within an inch of their lives.

The large government juggles the competing demands of Healthcare, Education, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Utopia. The average income tax rate is 73.4%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Capitistan economy, worth 984 trillion capitas a year, is quite specialized and led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Book Publishing, Information Technology, and Furniture Restoration. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 104,490 capitas, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Teenage male videogamers often suffer repetitive strain wrist injuries, it can be a real jungle in a modern courtroom, voting for pro-Bigtopian candidates is voluntary, and movies depict muscle-bound women kicking down a titanium door to carry hysterical men to safety. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown. Capitista's national animal is the Llama, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Christianity.

Capitista is ranked 239,252^nd in the world and 4,803^rd in The North Pacific for Most Corrupt Governments, with 0.8 kickbacks per hour.