The Ordained Kingdom of Firsonia is a colossal, efficient nation, ruled by King Vasimir Rurikov with an iron fist, and notable for its rum-swilling pirates, sprawling nuclear power plants, and free-roaming dinosaurs. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, devout population of 4.06 billion Firsonians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The relatively small, corrupt government prioritizes Defense, although Education, Industry, and Administration are also considered important, while Welfare and Social Policy receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Kirovda Castle. The average income tax rate is 16.9%.

The all-consuming Firsonian economy, worth 453 trillion Reichsmarks a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Tourism industry, with significant contributions from Beef-Based Agriculture, Arms Manufacturing, and Woodchip Exports. Black market activity is notable. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an impressive 111,761 Reichsmarks, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 4.8 times as much as the poorest.

Residents are readily ratting out rats in restaurants, hit TV show 'The eXecution Factor' is a critical success, a weakened police force struggles to maintain law and order, and King Vasimir Rurikov's relatives have been married into the royal families of foreign nations against their will. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, despite the fact that it is difficult to make it through a day without breaking one of the country's many laws. Firsonia's national animal is the Drake, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Northolicism.

Firsonia is ranked 49,948^th in the world and 20^th in The Hole To Hide In for Largest Manufacturing Sector, scoring 20,335.22 on the Gooback-Jerbs Productivity Index.