The Kingdom of Craff is a titanic, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by King Crimson with an iron fist, and notable for its ubiquitous missile silos, irreverence towards religion, and restrictive gun laws. The compassionate, cynical, cheerful population of 23.455 billion Craffians are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The large government juggles the competing demands of Education, Healthcare, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Shell City. The average income tax rate is 98.9%.

The frighteningly efficient Craffian economy, worth a remarkable 5,787 trillion Craffian Dollars a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is quite specialized, is led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Tourism and Book Publishing. Average income is an amazing 246,739 Craffian Dollars, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The government subsidizes those who produce the worst results, exterminators swarm Craffian homes, a light breeze is enough to make King Crimson fold, and senior professors are allowed to skip the wait at soup kitchens. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Craff's national animal is the Crab, which frolics freely in the nation's sparkling oceans, and its national religion is Craffisim.

Craff is ranked 224,662^nd in the world and 9,107^th in Lazarus for Most Corrupt Governments, with 1.28 kickbacks per hour.