The Kingdom of Craff is a titanic, efficient nation, ruled by King Crimson with an iron fist, and renowned for its public floggings, free-roaming dinosaurs, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate, cynical, cheerful population of 23.572 billion Craffians are ruled with an iron fist by the dictatorship government, which ensures that no-one outside the party gets too rich. In their personal lives, however, citizens are relatively unoppressed; it remains to be seen whether this is because the government genuinely cares about its people, or if it hasn't gotten around to stamping out civil rights yet.

The large government juggles the competing demands of Education, Healthcare, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Shell City. The average income tax rate is 98.9%.

The frighteningly efficient Craffian economy, worth a remarkable 5,822 trillion Craffian Dollars a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is quite specialized, is led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Tourism and Book Publishing. Average income is an amazing 247,009 Craffian Dollars, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The government subsidizes those who produce the worst results, exterminators swarm Craffian homes, a light breeze is enough to make King Crimson fold, and senior professors are allowed to skip the wait at soup kitchens. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Craff's national animal is the Crab, which frolics freely in the nation's sparkling oceans, and its national religion is Craffisim.

Craff is ranked 1,949^th in the world and 87^th in Lazarus for Most Cultured, scoring 265 on the Snufflebottom-Wiggendum Pentatonic Scale.