The Bar on the corner of every regionBoard

*The dog takes Konditorei saxner von scansburg and buries them in the snow*

Brocklandia wrote:

Now you're just living dangerously, and those spiders are going to be really annoyed when they get back from their winter vacation. They'll be expecting that web to be full. You know those spiders are Giant California Spotted Orb-Weavers, right? They're large enough to eat birds. Or did you think the California condor population was going extinct all on its own? I'm betting you're a bit smaller than a condor, probably more in the "snack" category.

[Puts a 50$ [Cthulhu bucks] in his front pocket to keep it hush hush]

Zombie Penguins wrote:

The weekend poetry contest is over. Maple Hockey Canadia will declare the winner.

Oh, the suspense! Will I win Third Place even though I didn't submit a poem? Everyone in the Bar is positively cringing with anticipation! ... Or maybe they're in the early stages of convulsions from food poisoning. So difficult to tell the difference. Gosh, I wonder if there's a poem to be written about that.

Maple Hockey Canadia wrote:

First place goes to Brocky,

Oh, it's on! You know I'm gonna pick you as First in the next contest*, whether you submit a poem or not, purely as spiteful, spiteful retaliation. And by the way, technically, I posted my statement after Zombie Penguins announced the close of the contest.

Which means, Zombie Penguins, yes, I'll judge next time. And my "I wonder if there's a poem to be written about that" means the theme is gonna be ... (drum roll) ... poems about food poisoning. Yay! The return of everyone's second-favorite topic!
_____

* Unless I get a better offer ... or find another target who annoys me more. It could happen.

Casomehano wrote:

I got food poisoning once.

Just the once? Have you been sneaking in your own food?

Casomehano wrote:

From a latke cooked in rancid oil.

We deny all knowledge of that. Cheffy uses only the freshest ingredients. It says so right on the menu, right under "Management Not Responsible for Poisoning Or Death."

Casomehano wrote:

One day, I’m fine, the next day, I’m on the toilet with diarrhoea.

See? That's how you know the Bar isn't responsible. If Cheffy's cooking had given you food poisoning, you would have said "One day, I’m fine, the next day, I’m dead and in the meat locker" ... or "being buried by a Zombie Dog." Gotta admit, that dog takes its work seriously.

Prusmia wrote:

Hey uh there's someone at the door... it's the US government health department inspector.

Oh, just in time. Cheffy mentioned needing more meat for the Brunswick stew. Please show the inspector to the kitchen.

_{See, the joy on Brunswick stew is that the toughness and stringiness of the meat doesn't matter. Even sub-standard cuts of meat like an inspector will do.}

Prusmia wrote:

No, you don't understand. He brought a gun. No, 2 guns, no 6 guns and a katana and a anti material rifle, and a lightsaber. WHERE IS HE GETTING THESE.

This Bar gets shot up, blown up, burned up, sucked up into black holes, and shat out of various cosmic anal-parts on an hourly basis. Since when do a handful of guns and sharp objects represent a credible threat?

Now, if the inspector had brought a vegan cookbook covered in Hello Kitty stickers?--That might be a threat. _{Mostly because Hello Kitty makes me want to wuff my cookies. Curse you, Sanrio Corporation!}

YouTube Inc wrote:

*yelling into the street*
IM NOT THE ONLY ONE!!!

You've never eaten anything I've cooked--Cheffy doesn't brook competition, and I'm not willing to take that risk--so I'm pretty sure you're not someone I've poisoned ... er, cooked for at all.

Tercania islands wrote:

I was merely taking a nap in a cool environment.

So, uhm, do you know anything about that busted latch on the meat locker?

Tercania islands wrote:

I have returned, and will try to remain. Can't promise I'll be anywhere near as active as I used to be. I need to find a flag again first off.

Well, welcome back. Remember to twitch once in a while to remind us you aren't ready for another trip to "a cool environment."

*grabs the megaphone from under the bar*

Attention, everyone. In light of recent events today's special, the "Tercania tortellini," has been, uhm, postponed indefinitely. All together now ... "Awww!"

Casomehano wrote:

It was at another restaurant in 2018. It’s too late to sue them now.

It's not too late at all. The word you're looking for is "re-enactment." With some really theatrical projectile vomiting, maybe some thrashing and rolling around on the floor clutching your stomach. Make sure the other customers get good videos of it on their phones--juries eat that sort of stuff up.

_{Well, maybe "eat" is the wrong word when we're talking about food poisoning.}

Zombie Penguins wrote:

Brocklandia is judgy.

True--I have a Masters Degree in Judgmentalology, and I'm certified to practice in fourteen countries. I'd have gotten certified in a fifteenth, but it was a crap-hole ... See what I did there?

Anyway, let the pursuit of Third Place begin!