The Who are you of Maple Hockey Canadia is a colossal, genial nation, ruled by O Great Lord Snowyness with an iron fist, and remarkable for its ritual sacrifices, sprawling nuclear power plants, and stringent health and safety legislation. The compassionate, cynical, devout population of 7.623 billion Maple Hockeys are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The enormous, corrupt, moralistic, socially-minded, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Administration, Law & Order, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of A Cold and Dark Place. The average income tax rate is 70.6%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The large but underdeveloped Maple Hockeyish economy, worth 252 trillion Moose a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a slick, highly efficient, quite specialized black market in Basket Weaving, Beef-Based Agriculture, Tourism, and Cheese Exports. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is 33,126 Moose, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Foreigners are treated with great suspicion, astronauts take one small step for Maple Hockey Canadia and one giant step backward from confrontation, the A Cold And Dark Place XV Regiment (aka "The Goat Starers") have yet to win a battle, and money is being desperately pumped into the ruined economy. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Maple Hockey Canadia's national animal is the Kumajiro, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is How Aboot No.

Maple Hockey Canadia is ranked 34,305^th in the world and 9^th in The Bar on the corner of every region for Lowest Crime Rates, with 80.31 law-abiding acts per hour.