Ronny Bagg and the Nouns

To align with the demands of the ‘Sans’ separatists who have taken over the glorious capital building designed in the image of the glorious leader Xeno-san we shall now allow all residence of the Sans region of Xeno-sans autonomy and they they shall be allowed free and fair elections with out fear of capital punishment for their insurrection of the capital.

Mysterious lights above Crackton
Crackton, Shiletonia was greeted by a mysterious array of vibrant colour on friday evening that lasted for around two hours, this comes after local laws relax on the purchase of fireworks in anticipation of the upcoming Jbenismas on the 26th. Local bird watchers flocked to the event claiming it will precede the migration of tyranichicks from colder climates later this month. Again the moment has been heavily politicised after the founding of the first ever opposition party named Hugh Jbenis's clan boys, they have claimed Hugh Jbenis should do more to combat youth clubs and child mercenaries. President Hugh Jbenis, the leader of both parties, dismissed ideas in a press conference calling them lame and shortsighted. The President mentioned a task force had already been assembled and a number of infants were in custody in connection to the incident.

A new Xeno sans initiative sees citizens instructed to chew for at least 2 hours a day to help them feel fulfilled if their glorious food rations are not sufficient for those selfish citizens corrupted by so called ‘democratic thought’, the glorious leader himself says ‘if a man cannot live off a slice of bread and a waffle for a week then he is no man but an unpatriotic spoon bender’.

Dear The Grand Duchy of Xeno-Sans,
SHILETONIA SQUEEZES URANIUM FROM ITS INVAR TEET. My scientist x farmer network has found a far superior element to power our newest reactors, newly discovered HUGHGINIUM. My resource has TEN TIMES the power output of Uranium and a surface mine discovered an estimated 10 hughnillium gigatons, I can't remember the number exactly, some geek was telling me about it when I blessed the site and the radiation made things fuzzy. I have ordered our remaining supply of uranium into a 40 mile long camel convoy, packages should start arriving in about 5 days and stop just after Thanksmas (camel riders don't work Thanksmas). I have had loaded 10 camels with Hughginium to taste.

Let this gift strengthen our nations bonds and furthermore I have included that geek I mentioned earlier, Dr Ramuel Sheeply, He's taking his own transport because he doesn't get on well with the camel riders after the gene irradiating experiments he did to get his PHD. Actually the one to suggest the camel riders take the uranium anyway so maybe there's no bad blood after all.

One final thing to note, I know I left my stapler last time I was around. Please return it to me, its chrome and and its got my initials on the back. The replacement one I have now is awful and can do 10 sheets tops while the old one worked every time. I'm at a loss to do with some of my documents since at the moment I just shove the thick piles in a sports bag and they've all mixed because I have to use that bag when I go to the gym. I accidently defunded banana subsidies for camel breeding programs in one such embarrassing mix-up PLEASE RETURN IT AND DO NOT SEND THOSE CAMELS BACK.

Forever Yours,
hugh xx

The state broadcaster has been reinstated after many months off the air because of dissident speech being used in national broadcast. A reminder to all viewers the use of words such as ‘hungry’ or ‘scared’ are banned from common speech in Xeno-Sans and all found using such vulgar words shall be put on trail for treason.