The Misanthropic Mainland of Various Excuses is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by The Fat Controller with an iron fist, and remarkable for its avowedly heterosexual populace, sprawling nuclear power plants, and irreverence towards religion. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless population of 17.311 billion Excusees are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The enormous, corrupt, moralistic, socially-minded, well-organized government prioritizes Administration, although Education, Industry, and Defense are also considered important, while Spirituality receives no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Islandia. The average income tax rate is 67.1%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Excusean economy, worth a remarkable 1,884 trillion tuppence ha'pennies a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, extremely specialized black market in Information Technology. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an impressive 108,834 tuppence ha'pennies, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.2 times as much as the poorest.

Every new building project has to undergo a five-year environmental impact study before it can go ahead, social networking sites have discussion groups devoted to planning terrorist attacks, colonial subjects have Excusean culture shoved down their throats, and the nation's soldiers often believe they're in the Air Force. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Various Excuses's national animal is the Dead slug, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is The Eyeballs in The Sky.

Various Excuses is ranked 277,448^th in the world and 10,342^nd in Balder for Safest, scoring 6.13 on the Bubble-Rapp Safety Rating.