The Misanthropic Mainland of Various Excuses is a gargantuan, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by The Fat Controller with an iron fist, and notable for its frequent executions, ubiquitous missile silos, and punitive income tax rates. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless population of 17.181 billion Excusees are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The enormous, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Administration, Education, and Defense. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Islandia. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 60.5%.

The frighteningly efficient Excusean economy, worth a remarkable 1,762 trillion tuppence ha'pennies a year, is extremely specialized and mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Information Technology and Book Publishing. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an impressive 102,600 tuppence ha'pennies, with the richest citizens earning 9.6 times as much as the poorest.

Diplomacy is a foreign concept to Excusees, The Fat Controller steals from the rich and gives to the needy, the government is spending millions on renovating the public transportation system, and thieves find battery shops juicier targets than banks. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Various Excuses's national animal is the Dead slug, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is The Eyeballs in The Sky.

Various Excuses is ranked 95,770^th in the world and 4,988^th in Balder for Lowest Crime Rates, with 66.39 law-abiding acts per hour.