The Incorporated States of Second Best Card Archive is a colossal, orderly nation, notable for its barren, inhospitable landscape, restrictive gun laws, and suspicion of poets. The hard-nosed, cynical population of 6.546 billion Second Best Card Archiveans are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The large, moralistic, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Defense, and Welfare. The average income tax rate is 45.7%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The large but underdeveloped Second Best Card Archivean economy, worth 170 trillion cards a year, is led by the Retail industry, with major contributions from Soda Sales, Cheese Exports, and Door-to-door Insurance Sales. Black market activity is notable. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 26,091 cards, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Historical fiction has been banned, meat prices are soaring as the farming industry struggle under government-imposed restrictions, mechanics are often exhausted by their work, and concerned environmentalists wipe away their tears with tissues sourced from Tasmanian old-growth redwoods. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Second Best Card Archive's national animal is the legendary, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

Second Best Card Archive is ranked 125,728^th in the world and 5,174^th in Balder for Safest, scoring 71.51 on the Bubble-Rapp Safety Rating.