The Kingdom of Ekpatanus is a colossal, efficient nation, ruled by Sam Michaelidis with an iron fist, and remarkable for its avant-garde cinema, irreverence towards religion, and devotion to social welfare. The hard-nosed, cynical population of 3.253 billion Ekpatanusians are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The medium-sized, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Defense. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Kestrahaim. The average income tax rate is 47.7%.

The frighteningly efficient Ekpatanusian economy, worth 544 trillion Drachmas a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Tourism, Arms Manufacturing, and Trout Farming. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 167,378 Drachmas, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 4.4 times as much as the poorest.

Nothing gets the party jumping like Sam Michaelidis specifying how high, the government extracts trade concessions from poor nations in exchange for humanitarian aid, anti-government web sites are springing up, and attempts to inform people about their unclaimed property are often mistaken for telephone scams. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Ekpatanus's national animal is the Golden eagle, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is Orthodox Christianity.

Ekpatanus is ranked 33,513^th in the world and 32^nd in Corsair for Most Eco-Friendly Governments, scoring 2,504.8 on the Dolphin Recycling Awareness Index.