The Kingdom of Ekpatanus is a colossal, orderly nation, ruled by Sam Michaelidis with an iron fist, and notable for its free-roaming dinosaurs, compulsory military service, and otherworldly petting zoo. The hard-nosed, cynical population of 3.247 billion Ekpatanusians are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The medium-sized, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Defense. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Kestrahaim. The average income tax rate is 47.7%.

The frighteningly efficient Ekpatanusian economy, worth 543 trillion Drachmas a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Tourism, Arms Manufacturing, and Trout Farming. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 167,378 Drachmas, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 4.4 times as much as the poorest.

Clergy who start talking about politics are forced to take a holy vow of silence, rich and poor neighborhoods are divided by the Red Line, nothing gets the party jumping like Sam Michaelidis specifying how high, and the government extracts trade concessions from poor nations in exchange for humanitarian aid. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Ekpatanus's national animal is the Golden eagle, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is Orthodox Christianity.

Ekpatanus is ranked 110,257^th in the world and 85^th in Corsair for Largest Gambling Industry, scoring 1,481.95 on the Kelly Criterion Productivity Index.