The Empire of Birchester is a very large, safe nation, notable for its compulsory military service, suspicion of poets, and stringent health and safety legislation. The compassionate, democratic population of 209 million Birchesterians are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The large, socially-minded government juggles the competing demands of Healthcare, Education, and Law & Order. The average income tax rate is 46.2%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The sizeable but underdeveloped Birchesterian economy, worth 6.63 trillion quid a year, is led by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Cheese Exports, Automobile Manufacturing, and Furniture Restoration. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 31,719 quid, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Delivery truck companies use hospital parking lots to store 16-wheelers, sniffer dogs are trained to follow clouds of fruity-smelling vapor, resident physicians are said to have a silver scalpel in their hands, and the government is hounded to provide tissues whenever the feelings of the Dàguó people are hurt. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Birchester's national animal is the minions, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Birchester is ranked 84,828^th in the world and 105^th in The Kodiak Republic for Longest Average Lifespans, with 75.54 years.