The Free Land of Puerto Thelosia is a gargantuan, environmentally stunning nation, notable for its rum-swilling pirates, infamous sell-swords, and sprawling nuclear power plants. The hard-nosed, cheerful, devout population of 29.204 billion Puerto Thelosians enjoy extensive civil freedoms, particularly in social issues, while business tends to be more regulated.

The government — a sprawling, bureaucracy-choked, liberal morass — juggles the competing demands of Education, Environment, and Healthcare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of San Esperanza. The average income tax rate is 93.3%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Puerto Thelosian economy, worth a remarkable 3,024 trillion nyans a year, is highly specialized and led by the Book Publishing industry, with major contributions from Information Technology and Tourism. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an impressive 103,581 nyans, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Recognizing the Puerto Thelosian flag qualifies you for citizenship, the government has been criticized for giving away Puerto Thelosia's territory to anyone who claims it, signs at the border tell international drivers where they can put their cars, and Loud Patriotic Music Day has been ranked the seventh best new holiday of the year. Crime is totally unknown. Puerto Thelosia's national animal is the whooping veras, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Puerto Thelosia is ranked 263,481^st in the world and 1,256^th in Europe for Largest Cheese Export Sector, scoring -7.9 on the Mozzarella Productivity Index.