Yeah, they're kind of loud tonight. I hope the screaming doesn't keep the neighbors awake all night.
Oh, hey, apparently the weekend poetry contest is underway. Um, there's a mystery judge* who may or may not have a specific theme and format. Good luck.
*Gahk!* Peanut won First, so make hir do it. If the phrase "at knife-point" is involved, that sure sounds like a bonus to me.
Cheffy needs fresh meat for the soup de jour. Would you like a tour of the kitchen? There's a good chance it'll be one-way.
For clarity, are you asking us to send you the hockey players, or just poems about them? One involves a lot more postage than the other.
Plus, I can't remember which option requires air holes.
I don't talk in *dank* memes, but I do talk in ips and ops and ippitys. I talk in lots of elwildering languages. Like... English, asic Spanish, preschool level German, and I can say some phrases in Filipino.
Also how many letters are in the alphaet?
A latest issue gave me this resolve:
Religion makes people horny.
I mean... you... aren't... wrong... ut you're not right
Acdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz: all the letters
I feel a bit late to the Ray William Johnson train.
Not enough, apparently. Remember when ampersand was considered the twenty-seventh letter of the English alphabet? I also miss thorn and yogh, and having twelve forms of "the."
I thought that train derailed years ago. You haven't missed anything you can't catch up on. YouTube is just another flash in the pan, right?
I will take either. But one is a lot more likely to earn a third place trophy than the other.
And why would you need air holes for either of those things? It's not like they're air hockey players, if you're doing it right they should be just regular hockey players.
Okay, as the past winner, this is hereby declared as the official theme! Get those rhymes rolling in!
I will start:
The most beautiful man on the ice
And the one who’s always nice
He’s never a true loser
But he could be a hoser
He’s doesn’t make a hat trick
But his ice is always slick
People say he not a meanie
Because he drives the Zamboni!
Oh, so you want ice hockey players, as opposed to air, field, or street? Well, then, yeah, air holes aren't needed. I'll have the players freeze-dried before I send them. Glad to hear you don't mind a little freezer burn.
But I'm still shipping them freight-collect.
He posts YouTube shorts daily, and tbh they’re pretty good. I just couldn’t get into his stuff a decade… A DECADE?! HOW THE EVER LOVING HELL HAS IT BEEN A DECADE?? ago
And he has this weird band
Tell him to contact a good surgeon. These days, they can remove things like that. But this bar is the next-to-last place you should turn to when seeking medical advice.
The very last place is YouTube, but you already know that, right? Right?
Ahem! Testing, testing. Is this thing on?
Oh, I guess it is. Well. I present now my entry for Third Place in this week's poetry contest. Let's see---it's packed with references to hockey and hockey players, so I had to leave a few things out, like rhyme and good taste. But, hey, I'm only going after Third, right?
Winter time on the frozen river.
Don't let those days slip away.
They're playing hockey on the ice top.
Get away; get away; break away!
He'll have that scar on his chin forever.
Someday his girlfriend will say, "Hey, where?"
And he might look out the window, or not.
You skate as fast as you can 'til you hit the snowbank.
That's how you stop.
You got your sweater from the catalogue.
You use your rubber boots for goal posts.
Then, walking home.
This stick was signed by Jean Béliveau,
So don't frickin' tell me where to frickin' go.
Someone's dog just stole the puck.
He buried it; it's in the snowbank--
They rioted in the streets of Montreal
When they benched Rocket Richard, it's true.
The sun is fading on the frozen river.
The wind is dying down.
Someone else just got called for dinner.
If you can make a gorgeous (and preferable nice) (ice) hockey player appear at my real-world door and marry me then I'll give you third place for life.