The City-State of Vintage Teenagers is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by Chancellor Chan with an iron fist, and renowned for its ritual sacrifices, public floggings, and enslaved workforce. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 34.844 billion Vintage Teenagers enjoy great individual freedoms in everything except elections, which, where they exist at all, are populist shams for a dictatorship government that has no intention of ever giving up power.

There is no government in the normal sense of the word; however, a small group of community-minded, corrupt, liberal, pro-business, well-organized individuals is dominated by the Department of Industry, with Education and Defense also on the agenda, while Welfare and Spirituality are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Sigmaringen. Income tax is unheard of.

The frighteningly efficient Vintage Teenagersian economy, worth an astonishing 12,908 trillion Vintage Credits a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is broadly diversified and led by the Gambling industry, with major contributions from Soda Sales, Uranium Mining, and Retail. Average income is an amazing 370,479 Vintage Credits, but there is a vast disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 3,455,382 per year while the poor average 3,519, a ratio of 981 to 1.

Ghost regiments exist only on paper, fan-made edits of old films have seen a sudden jump in quality, the ingredients list for most food products covers the entire surface of the packaging, and relatives of recent award winners find their trophies make stylish urns. Crime, especially youth-related, is so common that it is unusual to encounter someone following the law, probably because of the absence of a police force. Vintage Teenagers's national animal is the Flattened Dolphin, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Ynglingatalism.

Vintage Teenagers is ranked 294,158^th in the world and 22^nd in Singapore for Lowest Crime Rates, with 2.19 law-abiding acts per hour.