The Kingdom of Valgoria is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by King Alfred Sentin IV with an iron fist, and notable for its fear of technology, pith helmet sales, and compulsory gun ownership. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless, devout population of 14.864 billion Valgorians are ruled with an iron fist by the corrupt, dictatorship government, which oppresses anyone who isn't on the board of a Fortune 500 company. Large corporations tend to be above the law, and use their financial clout to gain ever-increasing government benefits at the expense of the poor and unemployed.

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government is primarily concerned with Defense, with Industry, Administration, and Law & Order also on the agenda, while International Aid and Public Transport are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Windhelm. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 35.4%.

The frighteningly efficient Valgorian economy, worth a remarkable 1,564 trillion Rodins a year, is quite specialized and led by the Gambling industry, with major contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Tourism, and Soda Sales. Black market activity is rampant. Average income is an impressive 105,266 Rodins, but there is a large disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 420,855 per year while the poor average 17,689, a ratio of 23.8 to 1.

The nation's soldiers sleep four to a bed in order to use space economically, the nation has declared war on all passing comets, governments opposing Valgoria are beset by rebels, and the police have reaffirmed their tough stance on drugs. Crime is moderate, possibly because it is difficult to make it through a day without breaking one of the country's many regulations. Valgoria's national animal is the Noble Lion, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Indigoism.

Valgoria is ranked 764^th in the world and 3^rd in Barbaria for Most Primitive, scoring 290.22 on the Scary Big Number Scale.