The Laconic Directorate of Unilisia is a titanic, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by Archon Evelyn Staleko with an iron fist, and renowned for its complete lack of prisons, keen interest in outer space, and stringent health and safety legislation. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless population of 16.267 billion Univæ are ruled with an iron fist by the dictatorship government, which ensures that no-one outside the party gets too rich. In their personal lives, however, citizens are relatively unoppressed; it remains to be seen whether this is because the government genuinely cares about its people, or if it hasn't gotten around to stamping out civil rights yet.

The large, corrupt, well-organized government is primarily concerned with Defense, although Law & Order and Education are also considered important, while Spirituality is ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Umbriæ. The income tax rate is 100%.

The frighteningly efficient Unilisian economy, worth a remarkable 8,451 trillion Uni-ts a year, is broadly diversified and mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, and Uranium Mining. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is a breathtaking 519,577 Uni-ts, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Gun ownership is compulsory, the military refers to helpless combatants offering surrender as "sitting ducks", the latest Harry Potter book is a bestseller, and infantry are nicknamed "mushrooms" because they get fed crap and are left in the dark. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Unilisia's national animal is the Pariahan nautillus, which frolics freely in the nation's sparkling oceans, and its national religion is the lack of religion entirely.

Unilisia is ranked 267,528^th in the world and 56^th in Greater Dienstad for Highest Drug Use, scoring 40.45 on the Pineapple Fondness Rating.