The Protectorate of Touche Turtle is a massive, cultured nation, ruled by Touche Turtle with a fair hand, and notable for its museums and concert halls, avant-garde cinema, and irreverence towards religion. The compassionate, democratic population of 1.35 billion Testudineses are free to do what they want with their own bodies, and vote for whomever they like in elections; if they go into business, however, they are regulated to within an inch of their lives.

The large, socially-minded government juggles the competing demands of Welfare, Education, and Healthcare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Great Shell. The average income tax rate is 60.1%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The sizeable but inefficient Touche Turtlean economy, worth 60.9 trillion shells a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is quite specialized, is led by the Trout Farming industry, with major contributions from Tourism and Book Publishing. Average income is 45,134 shells, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Crime is on the rise as DNA sampling has been all but outlawed, future forecasters fearfully discuss grey goo and human obsolescence, it is illegal for police officers to carry out searches due to strict privacy laws, and bus ads propagandize causes ranging from sexual revolution to religious pogroms. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Touche Turtle's national animal is the snapping turtle, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Wicca.

Touche Turtle is ranked 42,324^th in the world and 3^rd in The Green Belt for Largest Publishing Industry, scoring 5,903.41 on the Bella Potter Productivity e-Index.