The Republic of Thing 5 is a colossal, genial nation, remarkable for its parental licensing program, compulsory military service, and anti-smoking policies. The compassionate, hard-working, devout population of 3.627 billion Thing 5ians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and look forward to their next free and open election, to be held on an as-yet unannounced date.

The large government juggles the competing demands of Industry, Education, and Healthcare. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 58.7%.

The frighteningly efficient Thing 5ian economy, worth 308 trillion pounds a year, is led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Woodchip Exports, Book Publishing, and Trout Farming. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is 85,100 pounds, with the richest citizens earning 9.1 times as much as the poorest.

Actively encouraging climate change is helping reduce winter fuel costs, undergrads find their professors' mushroom experiments less psychedelic than expected, all weapon research has been banned, and the military has forsaken terrestrial warfare. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Thing 5's national animal is the fox, which can occasionally be seen sifting through garbage in the nation's cities.

Thing 5 is ranked 18,484^th in the world and 3^rd in Distorted Memories for Largest Publishing Industry, scoring 8,216.69 on the Bella Potter Productivity e-Index.