The The Holy Terran Empire of Teutionia is a titanic, efficient nation, ruled by Grand Marshall with an iron fist, and remarkable for its frequent executions, complete lack of prisons, and vat-grown people. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless population of 23.062 billion Terrans are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The relatively small, corrupt government is primarily concerned with Defense, with Industry, Education, and Healthcare also on the agenda, while Spirituality and Environment receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Unity. The average income tax rate is 98.5%.

The frighteningly efficient Terran economy, worth an astonishing 20,304 trillion Terran Credits a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, broadly diversified black market in Information Technology, Arms Manufacturing, Retail, and Uranium Mining. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is a breathtaking 880,451 Terran Credits, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Unity's back alleys are rife with sausage eating, t-bagging dead Bigtopians merits a medal of honor, students are wary of colorfully decorated new teachers with names like Professor Pipsqueak, and sending sick politicians "Get Well Soon" cards is considered bribery. Crime is totally unknown. Teutionia's national animal is the Khetan Lion, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is United Terran Church.

Teutionia is ranked 2,428^th in the world and 1^st in The Universal Order of Nations for Most Extensive Public Healthcare, scoring 12,215.62 on the Theresa-Nightingale Rating.