The Eternal Assurance of Phaphonies is a mammoth, safe nation, ruled by Epifanio de los Santos with a fair hand, and renowned for its aversion to nipples, smutty television, and stringent health and safety legislation. The compassionate, democratic population of 6.156 billion Sagen are free to do what they want with their own bodies, and vote for whomever they like in elections; if they go into business, however, they are regulated to within an inch of their lives.

The large, liberal, socially-minded, outspoken government juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Defense. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Cajarc. The average income tax rate is 80.9%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Sagan economy, worth 783 trillion Tabs a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is broadly diversified, is led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Book Publishing, and Arms Manufacturing. Average income is an impressive 127,252 Tabs, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Snap elections are called over every minor impasse, top government officials are seen nervously grocery shopping among the general public, charged suspects often have to wait years before the courts have room to judge their trial, and citizens are permitted to carry concealed handguns. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Phaphonies's national animal is the Jaguarundi, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Absurdism.

Phaphonies is ranked 175,374^th in the world and 22^nd in The Embassy for Largest Insurance Industry, scoring 439.68 on the Risk Expulsion Effectiveness Rating.