The Squawking Republic of New Rapids is a mammoth, socially progressive nation, ruled by Jakob Schumaker with an even hand, and notable for its keen interest in outer space, pith helmet sales, and public floggings. The compassionate population of 9.504 billion Rapidians are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social and economic equality; they tend to view other countries as corrupted by the hollow pageantry of sham elections.

The tiny, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Administration, Industry, and Healthcare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Soutiens. The average income tax rate is 9.7%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Rapidian economy, worth a remarkable 1,595 trillion rooks a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a large, well-organized, fairly diversified black market in Tourism, Book Publishing, Information Technology, and Gambling. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an impressive 167,890 rooks, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.6 times as much as the poorest.

The government's stance on marriage is 'Let Rapidians marry themselves', the nation's taxpayers pay for foreign governments' extravagances, one can wake up in New Rapids and have breakfast in Bigtopia, and schoolchildren have more trading cards than flash cards in their backpacks. Crime, especially youth-related, is pervasive, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. New Rapids's national animal is the striped parrot, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

New Rapids is ranked 109,980^th in the world and 72^nd in Karma for Largest Pizza Delivery Sector, scoring 1,472.2 on the Pepperoni Propulsion Productivity Index.