The Holy Pink Christmas of Lana Longbeard is a massive, orderly nation, notable for its prohibition of alcohol, compulsory military service, and irreverence towards religion. The compassionate, cynical population of 1.357 billion Lana Longbeardians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The government — a sprawling, bureaucracy-choked, moralistic, socially-minded, well-organized morass — juggles the competing demands of Welfare, Law & Order, and Healthcare. The average income tax rate is 78.1%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The sizeable but stagnant Lana Longbeardian economy, worth 6.00 trillion Gold Bars a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is quite specialized, is led by the Basket Weaving industry, with major contributions from Book Publishing, Automobile Manufacturing, and Arms Manufacturing. Average income is 4,420 Gold Bars, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Arbitration is mightier than the sword, female ship captains never volunteer for polar routes, police drones follow every suspected Peeping Tom, and Lana Longbeardians struggle to cut tofu steak with a spoon. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Lana Longbeard's national animal is the Bat, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies.

Lana Longbeard is ranked 258,256^th in the world and 180^th in Sertia for Largest Welfare Programs, scoring 497.01 on the Safety Net Mesh Density Rating.