The Republic of Grand River is a mammoth, efficient nation, ruled by President Gomes Fortunati with a fair hand, and renowned for its pith helmet sales, free-roaming dinosaurs, and irreverence towards religion. The compassionate, hard-working, democratic, cheerful population of 6.117 billion Piratinians hold their civil and political rights very dear, although the wealthy and those in business tend to be viewed with suspicion.

The large, liberal, outspoken government juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Porto Alegre. The average income tax rate is 95.1%.

The frighteningly efficient Piratinians economy, worth a remarkable 1,063 trillion Piratini pesos a year, is led by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Tourism, Book Publishing, and Beef-Based Agriculture. Average income is an impressive 173,831 Piratini pesos, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 3.5 times as much as the poorest.

Economists claim no news is good news, students do more community service than homework, the army lives rent-free in foreigners' heads and houses, and restaurants cater to pregnancy cravings. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Grand River's national animal is the Criollo horse, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Roman Catholicism.

Grand River is ranked 49,496^th in the world and 7^th in Sky Haven for Largest Cheese Export Sector, scoring 4,633.22 on the Mozzarella Productivity Index.