The Colony of Doldrums is a colossal, genial nation, renowned for its burgeoning Kitsune population. The compassionate population of 4.93 billion Doldrumsians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The medium-sized government juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Law & Order. The average income tax rate is 22.5%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The large but inefficient Doldrumsian economy, worth 193 trillion Delta Eagles a year, is led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Retail, Trout Farming, and Beef-Based Agriculture. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is 39,096 Delta Eagles, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.6 times as much as the poorest.

The weather report is the prisoners' favourite programme, small children are learning a lot of new words from a teacher with Tourette Syndrome, government employees have reverted to carrier pigeon due to never-ending virus scans, and the "temporary replacement bus service" is now a permanent fixture. Crime is almost non-existent, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Doldrums's national animal is the Kitsune.

Doldrums is ranked 225,451^st in the world and 4,046^th in eta for Nudest, with 94.5 cheeks per square mile.