The Armed Republic of Celtician is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by Donn with an iron fist, and renowned for its compulsory military service, infamous sell-swords, and otherworldly petting zoo. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 25.378 billion Celts are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The large, corrupt, moralistic, socially-minded, well-organized government is primarily concerned with Defense, although Education and Industry are also considered important. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Tech Duinn. The income tax rate is 100%.

The frighteningly efficient Celticianian economy, worth an astonishing 21,890 trillion Oricalcums a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, broadly diversified black market in Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, Book Publishing, and Uranium Mining. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is a breathtaking 862,563 Oricalcums, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Roads are often attended by round-the-clock construction crews, doughnut-makers claim their products are healthy because they are fortified with vitamins, in court almost every witness is a hostile witness, and rocket boots and thermal detonators have become standard-issue military gear. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Celtician's national animal is the Wolf, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is The Order of Donn.

Celtician is ranked 299,907^th in the world and 10,338^th in Lazarus for Largest Retail Industry, scoring -24.88 on the Shrinkwrap Consignment Productivity Index.