The Armed Republic of Celtician is a gargantuan, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by Donn with an iron fist, and renowned for its closed borders, prohibition of alcohol, and pith helmet sales. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 20.015 billion Celts are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The large, corrupt, moralistic, socially-minded, well-organized government is primarily concerned with Defense, although Education, Industry, and Environment are also considered important. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Tech Duinn. The income tax rate is 100%.

The frighteningly efficient Celticianian economy, worth an astonishing 15,837 trillion Oricalcums a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, fairly diversified black market in Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, Book Publishing, and Uranium Mining. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is a breathtaking 791,292 Oricalcums, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.8 times as much as the poorest.

Max Barry is this year's Miss Celtician, citizens are encouraged to report friends, family members or co-workers who seem depressed to the government for "counselling", nephews and nieces of the monarch resort to begging from relatives in palace halls, and unpackaged foodstuffs rot on store shelves. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, despite the fact that it is difficult to make it through a day without breaking one of the country's many laws. Celtician's national animal is the Wolf, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is The Order of Donn.

Celtician is ranked 201,175^th in the world and 7,454^th in Lazarus for Fattest Citizens, with 5.08 Obesity Rate.