The Holy Empire of Celdern is a colossal, orderly nation, ruled by Aurelian IX with an iron fist, and remarkable for its barren, inhospitable landscape, otherworldly petting zoo, and infamous sell-swords. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless, devout population of 2.934 billion Celdernites are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Jerusalem. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 81.6%.

The frighteningly efficient Celdernic economy, worth 576 trillion Celdernic Flames a year, is broadly diversified and dominated by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Information Technology, Retail, and Uranium Mining. Black market activity is extensive. Average income is an impressive 196,355 Celdernic Flames, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 688,961 per year while the poor average 40,595, a ratio of 17.0 to 1.

A faint smell of body odour can be detected at several miles' distance from the National Science Park, murder suspects plead the 'there was a rat beneath his chef's hat' defense, homeowners are evicted to make way for new runways, and foreign musicians that Aurelian IX dislikes are turned away at the border. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Celdern's national animal is the Phoenix, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to toxic air pollution, and its national religion is Sacred Protestant Christianity.

Celdern is ranked 28,615^th in the world and 12^th in THE SUPER POWERS for Longest Average Lifespans, with 90.07 years.