The Parish of Calcasieu is a gargantuan, efficient nation, remarkable for its compulsory military service, complete absence of social welfare, and spontaneously combusting cars. The hard-nosed, hard-working population of 28.751 billion Calcasieuans are free to succeed or fail in life on their own merits; the successful tend to enjoy an opulent (but moralistic) lifestyle, while the failures can be seen crowding out most jails.

The tiny, moralistic, pro-business government juggles the competing demands of Spirituality, Law & Order, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Lake Charles. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 7.7%.

The powerhouse Calcasieuan economy, worth a remarkable 1,416 trillion dollars a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Woodchip Exports, Cheese Exports, and Soda Sales. Average income is 49,251 dollars, but there is a large disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 186,152 per year while the poor average 9,066, a ratio of 20.5 to 1.

Voting is compulsory, a major religion has been named as Calcasieu's national religion, Leader has just been declared ruler of Calcasieu in an international press conference, and Calcasieu has designated Lake Charles as its capital city. Crime is a problem, possibly because it is difficult to make it through a day without breaking one of the country's many regulations. Calcasieu's national animal is the shrimp, which can occasionally be seen avoiding garbage in the nation's murky oceans.

Calcasieu is ranked 62,859^th in the world and 14^th in Equilism for Highest Unexpected Death Rate, scoring 64.06 on the Bus Surprisal Index.